pain – sms 25jan2007 01:01:56

“my dear i love to c u but u cant love me 2 much cos u will get hurt i dont want that 2 happen there ar lots of things i can offer u besides pain i just want 2 be there with u without killing u”

my precious gazelle, if only i knew what you meant then. what did i do wrong? or did i? but even if i knew, it would not have stopped me from loving you. some things just cannot be prevented – like how we met, a chance in a million… and the pain that i have borne since cannot be compared to any anguish i have known before. yet i love you – funny thing is i love you even more now than i ever did. you are not only the beautiful gazelle i fell in love with, but you are also the ugly blue frog i have grown to love deeply, inexplicably and unconditionally.

so what do i do with my heart now? i don’t know – i wish i never met you at all, but now that i have, there is no turning back the clock, and i do not regret loving you. can you understand this?

what was it you wanted to offer me? i wish i knew, i wish i could have known… yet, you have given me a lot… other than pain… and my dear, true beauty is often a result of much pain, like a pearl of great price… thank you my love. i will be brave, even though i am frail and fragile – because the road i have chosen is perilous and lonely. and how i wish you were here to walk it with me… but even though i know you still care for me in your own way, you have chosen to reject me. and perhaps that is the most painful thing of all – because we are twin souls, and your rejection of me is like a rejection of myself. and you never told me why… though it is no use knowing anymore, is it?

perhaps in another time and space, we can be free of our own cages and chains to love with innocence and abandon – and if that time comes, will you love me and will i still love you?

i do not know if such a time would come – but i know that i love you now, and i always will.

~ by bunnyblu on August 12, 2007.